Again, it’s nearly 6am and I’m still awake. I know I don’t have much time to sleep because I’ll be up with aiden in no time but that isn’t any motivation for sleep either. Every night it’s the same story. Every single night when everyone is asleep I just lay here and miss my pap. It’s like a forever broken record. Its just late at night or early in the morning where everything is at peace I just imagine him being here with me and I’m just so heartbroken that I can reach out an hug him. 20 years with him wasn’t enough. When left so did a big piece of me and I feel like I’ll never be whole again. I just hope and pray for the rest of my life I won’t be up every single night crying over something I can’t change. Death is so extremely hard to deal with. I hope I don’t have to go through anything like this again anytime soon. I dont know if I would be able to take it. I hope aiden has me until he’s well into his 60s. I want to see him grow and live life. But if I go young, I know I won’t be alone and I’ll get piece of my heart back.
Sleepless nights
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